Before I knew Jesus:
I was born into dysfunction, as so many of us are. My childhood was not filled with security or an overwhelming sense of love and acceptance. As a matter of fact, I recall feeling quite insecure and unsure of myself the majority of the time. As I grew older all of these feelings grew along with me. I became a mom at the age of sixteen and started out into the "real world" for a taste of bitter sweet reality. Even with child in tow, and a new set of circumstances, I simply wanted to fit in. I wanted to be accepted, but try as I might, I never felt as though I was good enough. I hung out with the wrong crowd for the most part, doing the wrong things at the wrong times. But even the wrong crowd could not make me feel right about myself. I would not have recognized or known real love if it had knocked me upside the head and flat on my behind!
I eventually woke up one morning and realized that once upon a time, when I was a very little girl, I had dreams and I was going to do something great someday! I looked around and realized that "great" did not describe the life that I was living. It also, did not describe the life I was giving my son. So, I made some changes. Then,a few Months after my Ah-Ha moment, I met a great guy, got married,and had another baby. Yet, with all of this greatness in my life, that emptiness still nagged away at the inside of me, taunting me to not trust in love or happiness. My marriage was struggling, and I was feeling as though I could not get anything right. I felt as though it was inevitable, If I could mess up a good thing, I would.
When I met Jesus:
I was pregnant with my third child when a friend invited me to church. I wanted to go, but continued to put it off and put it off for weeks. Finally one cold, March morning, I decided it's now or never. I got my 8yr old ready, bundled up my baby and off we went. My friend met me in the lobby, showed me where to take my children, and ushered me to my seat. I remember thinking "This is church?" It was so unlike the stuffy images I had painted in my head. The worship was energizing and refreshing, and the people were all friendly and seemed to genuinely be glad to make my acquaintance. I decided fairly quick that I loved it. I returned the following Wednesday evening, and the following Sunday, and the Wednesday after that, I gave my life to the Lord.
I remember the moment so very clearly. I was watching a woman worship on stage and thought to myself "How can she be so full of joy? I want whatever it is she has!" you see, I knew this woman had suffered the loss of a child, and yet, she had more joy than I had ever even imagined having. I prayed that night, from the bottom of my heart, and asked God to come into my life. I have been running toward Him, feet going as fast as they can, ever since. Unfortunately, my husband was not as thrilled about my new found faith as I was. But, the story is not yet over.
After I met Jesus:
God began house cleaning in my heart from day one. The first of many areas was my marriage. God has done, and is still doing, an incredible work in both of us. He has blessed us with a wonderful marriage that is filled with the beauty of friendship. My husband has become my very best friend, and we have a relationship built on love, support, honesty and acceptance. My husband and I, even after all these years, are still not completely on the same page spiritually. However, we are getting there, and I have learned that God is faithful, the work that He has done in both of us, is irreversible, and there is no where to go but forward.
God has taken my insecurities and turned them into promises. He has taken my fear of messing up and turned it into an excitement that awaits the next step of our journey together. He has shown me that the love I have always longed for is found in His eyes, and He has turned my "little girl dreams" into realities that are within reach. Through Jesus I have learned who I really am, Who I was meant to be, and what I am capable of accomplishing through Him. I no longer feel unaccepted, I feel as though I am right where I was always meant to be. And, I know for the first time in my life that this is one good, no, great thing, I will never mess up. It is not about me and how well I am able to perform, but about Jesus and what He has already done!
All of my "trying" got me no where, but trusting in the gospel saved my life. "Gospel" is actually associated with a Greek word that means to good to be true. God has an abundant life of, to good to be true, just waiting for each of us. This is something we can all be grateful for this Thanksgiving. As we draw close to Jesus He will show us how to receive everything that has been accomplished for us on the cross.
"Today, many of us bloggers have devoted a special post in which we are "Giving Thanks on Thanksgiving" by sharing our personal testimonies of the Lord's work in our lives and/or that of our families. Our collective prayer is that this sharing of our testimonies will not only encourage each other and give Glory to our Lord, but also to those who happen upon our blogs. To enjoy many more testimonies like the one you've just read please visit the "Giving Thanks on Thanksgiving" blog located HERE. http://www.themouthbehindthemoose.blogspot.com/ The direct link to this site can be found in the right sidebar under Giving Thanks on Thanksgiving 08'
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