What I Wanted Before

I recently started a new business with It Works! Global. Have you ever heard of it? I know its popularity has made its way into many citites across the country and then some, but there are still many places that don't even know what it is. Which is exciting!

Its a great Christian company that offers all natural and botanically based products. Our lead product is called the Ultimate Boody Applicator, and this product detoxes, tightens, tones and firms the skin where applied, as well as reduces the appearance of cellulite and skin slackening...side affects....98% of people lose inches in that area with-in 45 minutes! NO JOKE it really does work.

Anyway I could go on and on about how great the products and the company are. I also replaced my part time income in 4 months with their business model. YEA ME!

But this post is about my heart...you see just 3 years ago I was consumed with ministry. It was all I ever thought about, it has been this way for me since I meet Jesus. I always felt "called" to teach and speak. I started writing a book a few years ago, havent gotten it published yet...but I have every intention of doing so...I'm just not sure its done yet. Although everyone who reads it tells me that its done and I need to publish it.

So, back to my heart...consumed with ministry...However, I wasnt necessarily consumed with Jesus, just ministry. I know some people feel that they are one in the same, but I no longer think so. You see ministy for me was busy work. Yes, you help people, but for me it feels like you get so consumed with planning this and organizing that, that its easy to get caught up in the program and not be focused on the person. Plus, I think that being in ministry made me feel like I was important. It identified me as a person. Which I no longer care about, it doesnt matter to me if others think im important. It matters what God thinks. My identity is in Jesus, period, and I have learned (still learning) that what I do isn't what makes me valuable.

Hence my current dillema...ministry doesnt look the same for me any more. I've preached in churches, at bible studies, at retreats etc...and I always felt like God used me to reach people. But I also have started seeing some things in organized ministry that have actually caused me to take a break from church for awhile. Don't get me wrong I'm not dogging "churches" I was lead to the Lord in a church and have made a lot of great friends through church. I'm not even opposed to being apart of a church. Theres a part of me that misses it. SOME of it. Then theres a part of me that has no desire to be apart of all the chaos that actually causes you to be more involed in ministry than with Jesus.

Does this make any sense to anyone except me? LOL I know there have to be others out there that can relate to where I'm coming from. And to be honest...I've never been this honest before. I've always been afraid of what you would think of me when you read this post.

So how does this have ANYTHING to do with my new It Works! business? Good question! I feel torn between what was and what is. I started this business for my family. It has the potential to create a very nice income that can provide for us in the future. My husband is physically in pain all the time and his job is really tough on him. This business can create the income to free him from that. Also, I have two boys at home that are Dyslexic and I need to homeschool so this job gives me the flexibilty to do that as well.

My dillema, I don't want to not use the gifts that God has given me. I lead a Bible Study on Wednesday nights in my home. I don't TEACH a Bible Study but I do lead one. The "job" I always saw for myself was me being a preacher, traveling around and teaching...but I don't even want that anymore. It would not be the best thing for my family, at least not right now. So I am having a hard time with this new business in the respect that I feel like to really be "all in" with this do I have to be "all out" with the previous ministry thing and if not what does that even look like now?Do I have to choose between doing what I feel is best for my family and what I used to see for myself?

I know that may sound silly and I know you can't answer that question for me. But this is where my heart is today. This business came along at just the right time and I know the Lord has blessed me with it. I am certain that God is working in me right now! Its just confusing to me...I really want to do well with this business and be successful. I really want to give my family the opportunity to not be tied down to a 2nd shift, hard on your body life style. But, I've never wanted anything but ministry before...