Saturday, June 27, 2009

Just Because

I am thinking about relationships today. It seems to be an ongoing theme in my heart as of late. I know that God is changing me, transforming me, and bringing me closer to Him. As He does this, I can sense that my heart toward my relationships with others will never be the same again, and I am glad.

I just finished reading Authentic Reionships, by Wayne Jacobsen and Clay Jacobsen. It confirmed so much of what has been in my heart, yet I couldn't seem to find the words, to explain. In the Church system, (which I am not saying is bad), I have many times felt like I was expected to live up to the expectations of others. I was expected to submit to their desire for me, and go against what I felt in my heart.

I have had relationships that I thought were true and genuine, until I felt God tugging at my heart in a different direction then what others thought. Then, in their minds I was no longer following God. I am really not writing this to put others down. But, to say that the most important thing I have realized is that we cannot give what we have not received. When we do not realize that God does not violate our will, to follow our own hearts and conscience, we will not realize this in our relationship with others. We will demand things from them that we have no right to demand. I have done this to others, as well. I am sorry!

God works ALL things together for our good, even our mistakes will lead us in the right direction.

"It (submission) allows us to partner with others in the process of being changed by Jesus, not to control them to do what we think best."
Authentic Relationships

Over the last five years God has shaken me and all of my ideas of what it means to walk with Him. I feel as though, I was born again, again. In this leg of my journey, I am seeing that I have demanded things from my relationships with others, even recently. I did not realize that I was filling a need in myself, with someone other than Jesus.

Three and a half years ago the Lord moved us from our home town, in Ohio, to Illinois. We knew not one soul, here. It was after we moved that the Lord began to show me the insecurities that I held with myself. Back home everyone knew me, knew my heart, and respected me as person. Here, no one knew me, no one knew my heart, no one had a reason to respect me as a person.

However, God started changing me and teaching me that there is only one true place to find security, in Jesus. He recently has shown me that I have demanded from others to fill my insecurities in my friendships. I have used my friendships to fill voids and needs in my life that can only be filled by God.

If you are my real life friend, and you are reading this, I am sorry.

I want to love you, just because,
not because you love me back in the way I want you to.

I want to accept you, just because,
not because you agree with what I think and make me feel good about myself.

I want to support you, just because,
not because I will get anything from you that I think will benefit me.

I want to spend time with you, just because,
not because I think you can boost my ego and make me feel wise.

I want to help you, just because,
not because I need to feel needed by others to have worth or value.

I want to be free to be the me that is found in Jesus, just because,
I can then let you be that too.


RCUBEs said...

You are being changed by the Lord regarding this matter and we are also being encouraged as you share it with us. God does work all things for our good, not necessarily to make us happy but to fulfill His purpose.
It's hard to get out of a place where we feel safe and secure but if we remain trusting in the Lord when He brings us to another place, what a great feeling to know that our life's journey will have a new perspective with a new-mind set as we allow Him to lead us, instead of Him following us. Like what you are doing now.
God bless and have a great weekend.

Daveda said...

RCUBE, Yes, I am being forever being being changed by the wonderful love of my Father. As He reveals more of His love for me, it enables me to love others more. It also allows me to see the areas in my heart and life that are not from His heart.

It wasn't really hard for me to leave,well it was, but I knew in my heart that it was of God, so it wasn't, make sense? I honestly did not know that I had insecurity and I honestly did not realize how much of the security I did have was based on others, instead of Jesus.

I am so glad to be able to encourage others as we journey together. Thanks for sharing and being on this journey with me.

jcdisciple said...

This is exactly what is happening to me! It sounds like I need to read that book! I really feel born again, again! I look at other Christians and judge them for not feeling like I do, then I realize that 2 years ago...I didn't feel this way either. I think Waiting on Him continues to be my life long challenge!

Daveda said...

Amanda, It really was a very good book. I enjoyed every page and I finished the whole thing. It's seems anymore, Many books lose me part way through.

I really feel God opening my eyes to seeing "the church" and relationships differently.

I am with you on the waiting thing LOL, I always say we need to learn to enjoy and have peace during waiting because once you get what your waiting for you begin waiting on something else.

We are forever being changed here.

Thanks for coming over and sharing your thoughts!

Angela said...

amen amen amen girl...God has been working on me also with the exact same issues. I realize I hung onto relationships so tightly, more so than I did our Father...praise God He did not leave me in that state. I'm at a place right now that I have learned if the Lord is not being glorified in a relationship I have with another, He will cause a 'separation'. He MUST come first, not the relationship. His will MUST be more important than what other's expect of me. The fear of man will become a snare, but those who trust in the Lord will be kept safe. Proverbs. God brings this to my mind often. Do I want to be a people pleaser or a God pleaser? Do I desire to love others in Christ, or in the flesh? Will I believe the best, love the best or turn away from relationships when I feel my needs are not being met?

All these questions have been spoken within me, and I praise God He is truly cleansing me from all unrighteousness (all wrong thinking, acting, speaking, etc.)

Billy Coffey said...

I'm grateful that you've decided to take us along on this journey, Daveda. Seeing how God is working in your life makes Him a little easier to see in mine.

Sarah Dawn said...

Free to be me, exactly my sweet, exactly. Thank you for splashing around with me today on my blog. Your sweet words truly blessed my day.

Besitos (little kisses in Spanish),
Sarah Dawn

Daveda said...

Angela, yes, yes, exactly! Its funny to me how God changes us in layers. This was something I realized a long time ago, and God did a work in my heart, I was set free, so I thought.

Now, He is working in my heart, again, and pealing off another layer. I talked with one of my friends about this, and she didn't ever see it. I have what I believe to be healthy relationships, with wonderful people. On the outside and even some of the inside seems good. But, God knows what is in our hearts, and I am thankful He is continually changing us!

Letting go of any expectations, and not being bound to the expectations of others enables us to have stronger, better, healthier relationships!

Daveda said...

Billy, thank you. What a wonderful encouragement today! I am thankful to have you on this journey with me, and thankful to be apart of yours!

Daveda said...

Sarah Dawn, nothing better than being free! Blessed, to be a blessing to you today, my sweet friend!

Angela said...


We seem to have similar tastes in books. :) Or else be on a similar journey.
I love what you have to say. Thanks for sharing.
And thanks for stopping in to my place with your words of encouragement. It's nice to meet you. Blessings!

Daveda said...

Angela, I love meeting others who are on a similar journey. Those who's perception of God is similar to your own. It is wonderful to be able to encourage one another. If you have any suggestions on other good reads, I would love to hear about them.

Warren Baldwin said...

I just returned from Bible Camp. At our camp we have small groups with adult counselors and teens. Most of the teens expressed some form of dislocation, loneliness or fear in relationships, which is quite natural at that age. What a blessing this article would be to many of them! If we could love others "just because," many of our relationship anxieties would vanish. Good post.